for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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