Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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