i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
