I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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