that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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