I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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