i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
