"it" just moved
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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