best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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