I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
