dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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