You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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