Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize