My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
