I got her a Nickelback box set.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
