I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
