Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
