Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize