I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
