I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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