and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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