when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
