Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
