did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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