Princesses don't give blow jobs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize