my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
