Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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