They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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