Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't like sucking hair
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
