I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
