DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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