Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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