i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
