I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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