my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
