I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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