I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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