Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize