So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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