He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
