peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hello my rib-scented angel!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize