my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
