I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
