so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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