Im at strip club and am horny
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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