What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
