Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
