You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
