my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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