I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
