It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize