You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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