I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
