If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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