Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
