we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize