If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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