i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
