I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
