And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
