my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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