What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I forget how to act sober
Randomize