I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
