pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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