she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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