Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
