dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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