I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
