I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
