I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
