I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
