My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
