if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize