Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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