3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
