i think i have two assholes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
