If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize