I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize