So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
